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Wayne Rooney : civilised Ibiza stag do

The best thing about seeing a celebrity out on the razzle is witnessing the delight on their friend's faces when they get papped by mistake. The pretend surprise. The rigid dial a pose. The hand up to the face. The model strut etc.

And nowhere is there more evidence of this at the moment than on Wayne Rooney's Ibizan stag do. The clan were out at Cafe Mambo the other night - Rooney strolling casually through the crowds too bladdered to even notice the paps - his pals basking ecstatically in their five minutes. So far the chosen ones have done, all day drinking, (alcopops, Stella.) All night drinking, (alcopops, Stella). Early hours drinking (alcopops, Stella). Nodding off during banging DJ sets. Getting carried back to the villa by bodyguards. Smoking tonnes of fags. Oh and flirting with the press. Wayne's little brother Graham, who looks just like him only with worse teeth, might have a career as a TV presenter he's such a practiced hand with journos.

Meanwhile Coleen's keeping tabs on things from the nerve centre - a lilo in the canaries. 'No birds, strippers or 'ookers near mah Wayne ta - and make him gerra tan, I ain't weddin'him wit dem milk bottle legs". Wayne's only take so far on the Baleriac bash 'I'm fu*king caked'. Messy. Check out Rooney and the entourage in Ibiza

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