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Sepp Blatter goes mad

We all know what's been going on at FIFA over the last few months: a corruption scandal has blown the inner working of the organisation wide open, and caused massive friction between English representatives and the rest of its members. However no-one in their right mind genuinely believes that these issues are being taken care of but Sepp Blatter and his cronies.

Except for Sepp Blatter of course, who in another round wild-eyed mud slinging, has blamed the corruption allegations on England, claiming that we English are still outraged about Sir Stanley Rous having lost the 1974 elections to João Havelange, and that we were upset about being beaten to the 2018 World Cup. Not that the organisation is riddled with corruption – oh no.

'This animosity comes from England,' said Blatter. 'The timing of the accusations is interesting. It was just around the time when they failed to win hosting rights to the 2018 World Cup. Three weeks before the presidential election these accusations emerged.

'Let me tell you the truth: All this has been an act of revenge for (Rous) having lost the Fifa presidency in 1974 to (Brazil's) João Havelange. Still, they cannot accept that they no longer control Fifa. Since they cannot regain the presidency, they decided they would try to destroy it.

'I would like to say the following: We have bad losers in Fifa. Also we have to say that some of our actors and two of our key players have not behaved well. But we have started to take action. Now I ask that the press allows us the necessary time to apply the changes that will be proposed. On 21 October I will announce those proposals.'

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