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Ronaldo quits football

It’s a sad day for fans of football: Ronaldo has hung up his boots, saying that he can’t take it any more. No, you crazy cats; not Real Madrid’s pouting prima donna, the proper Ronaldo. You know the one: he’s been a bit of a porker for at least the last eight years but despite that was still one the greatest strikers who ever played the game.

The Brazil legend, who has scored a record 15 goals in World Cups for his country, decided to call time on his career at the age of 34, after his knees finally gave up on him. He hasn’t scored for Corinthians since last year, and after the club were knocked out of the Copa Libertadores he and his teammates were subject to violence and abuse for fans. Former national team teammate Roberto Carlos said that he was quitting the club because of supporters threatening him and his family, and Ronaldo appears to have decided that enough is enough.

‘I can't take it any more,’ he said. ‘I wanted to carry on but I can't. I plan a move in a game but I cannot execute it as I wish. The time is up.’

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