Fabulous Fabio pledges he will learn English before the players get together in February for the tough match against Switzerland. (With us, of course, there are no easy games in Europe any more.)

But The Fabulous One is missing a trick. There’s a football language that transcends all cultural barriers. It’s a universal means of communication that anyone, anywhere can use to express themselves a la soccer.

No, it’s not hooliganism. We’re talking Socceranto.

It’s a language made up by a 16-year-old kid, based on the now defunct Esperanto that… Hang on. Now we’ve written this down, we can see how ludicrous an idea it is. It’ll never catch on. As we say in our own special language, Ronglish: we’ve been given the eyes by Socceranto and the lad’s popped up at the back stick with a great arrive.

Sorry, Fab – it’s Linguaphone for you, old son.

(Image: from YouTube)