Dear Santa,

I’ve been a very good boy this year – and I’ve already had all my birthdays and Christmases come at once with my new £6billion-an-hour contract from those suckers at the FA.

I’d still like one or two other little things, please. An Italian-English dictionary and some Linguaphone tapes would be multo appreciato. I can get away with not speaking English for a while but when you’ve got to tell the current captain that he’s now surplus to requirements, it’s best to do it in his own language, no?

Can I also please have a cardboard cut-out of myself. I can’t be bothered to go to most of the dreary games in the Premiership, so I’ll need some kind of cover.

And I could do with a haircut too, eh?

Grazia mille. Fabio.

(Image: from georgio's flickr stream)