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Keegan targets footballers

With a £900million war chest, a new Pay-As-You-Go mobile (with a Fog-on-the-Tyne ringtone) and a special extension to the transfer window just for him, Kevin Keegan is being linked by the Press with every footballer currently playing today. Top of King Kev’s hit list are the Man United, Chelsea and Liverpool squads. The Geordie Messiah is also being linked with the squads of all the other Premier League teams – as well as Kenny Miller of Championship side Derby County.

Keegan also hinted that he might spend some of his £900million on trying to tempt himself back into playing for the club which he led to mid-table obscurity in the 1990s. Keegan says he made an approach to himself and was flattered to be asked. However, he told himself he was happy at Newcastle and wanted to see out his contract there (eh?).

Alan Shearer is due to sit down with Keegan at the end of the week to have a conversation about becoming Keegan’s number two. [Insert your own doo-doo gag here.]

(Image: from YouTube)

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