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Keegan sacked

Sometime in the not too distant future…

After a string of poor results, Kevin Keegan’s reign as Newcastle boss has come to an abrupt end. In a terse statement, the club’s mascot, Marvin the Magpie said:

“Way-eye, the Toon. We’ve had to let King Kev go ‘cos the fella just isn’t mustard. He’s had an absolute shocker since he came back and we just don’t want to pay his wages any more. We knew things were a bit skew-if when he started talking about bringing Thierry Henry to St James’s park. Let’s face it, we need two central defenders, a right and left back, a holding midfielder, two wide men and a decent playmaker before we need to think about a flippin’ striker. Does Kev think Thierry Henry scored all them goals for Arsenal on his own?

“On the upside, we’ve brought in a talented team of football people – and Dennis Wise is on the payroll too. Things are bound to start looking up soon. Won’t they?”

Okay, so this isn’t a real news story. But we fear it won’t be long before some of it is...

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