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Give him a brown card

A player was booked last weekend for farting while an opposition player took a penalty, citing 'ungentlemanly conduct'.

The player, who as we don't know his name can call Mr Fartpants, was playing for Chorlton Villa against local rivals International Manchester FC when according to the Guardian the ref decided his bottom burp was fart too much.

'They (the players) were as shocked as we were as to why (he was booked)', said Villa manager Ian Treadwell. 'We are waiting for the Football Association to contact us after they have received the report. This has come at a bad time in the season as we don't have sponsor and we are looking for a new sponsor for next season.'

Heinz Baked Beans not given you a call yet?

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