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FA job ad (draft)

An unnamed and quite possibly fictional source slipped this dog-eared piece of paper under our door this morning. We publish it without comment…

To appear in the Football Manager’s Gazette:

The English FA - you don’t have to be mad to work here… but it helps!!!!!!!!

Calling all lunatics - these are exciting times here at the Football Association. Fancy joining us? All you need is a half-decent CV and a huge price tag.

Due to an unforeseen (but not wholly unexpected, or indeed, unprecedented) sacking, we’re looking to recruit someone nutty enough – and expensive enough – to take on the job of managing our national football team.

Our ideal candidate
You’ll be a self-starter, working mostly from home or the beach. On work days (no more than 20 a year) you’ll be happy to operate outdoors (although we will provide a brolly, if you’re prone to snivels and nasty tickly coughs). You’ll have had extensive media training and know your way around an expense account. International playing experience is not a must but, if you did know a little bit about how to win a major tournament it would be a bonus. You’re available, expensive and not scared of failure (primarily, of course, because we’ll pay you whether you win or lose. Because, if you’re any good, for you to even consider the job we’ll have to guarantee you an enormous pay-off, for when we decide to sack you because a poll in The Sun says it’s the right thing to do.)

The role
Your primary role will be to make excuses for your players. You’ll need to be ruthless in your selection approach, too, ensuring you bow to pressure and pick out-of-form players over in-form but less high-profile alternatives.

Send your CV and your own contract for us to sign (blindly) to: Brian Barwick, The FA, Soho Square (yes, Soho Square, one of the most expensive business addresses in the country).

(Image: from Jason Cartwright’s flickr stream)

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