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Drugs are bad, ooookay?

Honesty is the best policy, they say. The person who invented that phrase clearly never had anything to say that was truly shocking and would draw scorn on them from millions, did they? Take a look at the case of Andre Agassi, for example, who recently admitted that he lied about taking crystal meth when he tested positive for the substance back in 1997.

Despite the fact that it might make people sit back and think twice about the supposed cleanliness of sports like cycling (which no-one but a blind man with a permanent ear blockage could ever think wasn’t riddled with drug abuse), Agassi has caught hell for his revelation, mainly from people who want to be told sweet little lies. Take world number two Rafael Nadal.

‘To me it seems terrible,’ he said yesterday. ‘Why is he saying this now that he has retired? It's a way of damaging the sport that makes no sense. I believe our sport is clean and I am the first one that wants that. Cheaters must be punished and if Agassi was a cheater during his career he should have been punished.’

Nadal clearly needs to be told that crystal meth is just about the very opposite of performance enhancing. Roger Federer also waded in, saying that he was ‘disappointed and I hope there are no more such cases in future… our sport must stay clean.’ No mention of more rigorous testing then. Still it’s not all bad for Andre, fellow yank Andy Roddick lent support to his hero. ‘Andre is and always will be my idol. I will judge him on how he has treated me and how he has changed the world for [the] better.’ Aaaaw.

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