Dirty protest

A angry Ireland fan came across what surely must be the best way to deal with rage at Thierry Henry’s handball in the now infamous France v Ireland World Cup qualifier – by having a piddle in the French bread section of a supermarket.

Frances ‘Smokie’ Larkin, an unemployed plasterer from Killreagh in Co Roscommon pleaded guilty to giving Jean Frenchy‘s finest baked goods a golden shower at Maher’s ValueStore Supermarket a full week after the incident in which Ireland were cruelly conned out of a World Cup place thanks to Thierry ‘cheat’ Henry’s blatant handball.

According to News from Ireland, staff found Larkin on the morning of 25 November, drunk and having a jimmy in the Cuisine de France section of the shop, shouting ‘this will teach ye, ye cheating French b*****ds’, before they called the Gardai to take him away.

‘When I reached the shop, I was informed that Mr Larkin was causing a disturbance in the bread section and when I got there, he was urinating on the French bread section and stamping on a loaf,’ said Gardai Anthony Flanagan to the court. ‘I later ascertained that the loaves were brioches, a sort of French bread.

‘When he saw me, he tried to run away but I apprehended him and grabbed him by the arm. He said ‘that’s for Thierry Henry, guard. If you have any pride in your country, you’ll let me go.’

Larkin had also been wearing an ‘I shot Thierry Henry’ t-shirt, which he’d had made up in a local shop, and said that, ‘The French loaf is the symbol of France and so by doing what I did, I was standing up for Irish pride.’ He also claimed that he ‘had no axe to grind with them’, but that they had been caught up in ‘friendly fire’. For his patriotic display, he was fined €500, given a six-month suspended jail sentence and ordered to pay €1,000 for the clean-up. Harsh.

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