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Balloons banned at Anfield

In a move that will shock precisely nobody who’s ever been an away fan at a football match, Liverpool are planning on searching Man United fans and confiscating any Liverpool-branded beach paraphernalia this weekend, in case people might have a little bit of fun, or smile or something.

Liverpool sold out of their official £10 beach set almost immediately after Darren Bent’s winning goal for Sunderland against the Reds, and the club think that cheeky United fans have snapped them all up for the purpose of taking the mick at this weekend’s Liverpool v United clash at Anfield. Where is that famous Scouse sense of humour, eh?

‘It will be the normal search policy’ said a robot at Liverpool headquarters, so expect there to be some scuffles outside the ground as stewards and police try to stop people taking perfectly legal items into a football stadium.

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